I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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