I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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