Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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