Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
