Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
