benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
They are going to name an STD after you.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
