i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
