i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
4 words: hood of his car
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
