i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
