Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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