he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I have tasted many bathrooms
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
