I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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