you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he was CRYING into my vagina
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
