She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
