My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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