you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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