everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
