I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
