The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
