I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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