I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
my being single is dangerous.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
