My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
