whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
