We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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