yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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