Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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