Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
