Do you still have your period?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
