please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
bring money and cleavage
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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