Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
