so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
