so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
