Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
