I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
