i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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