Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
