ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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