At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
