I want to make a zoo with you.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
