do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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