seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
