Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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