yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
