Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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