Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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