So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i just had sex bonerless
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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