And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i barfeds in our rink
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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