I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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