Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
