meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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